Holy Conundrum

Posted by Gary Chevalier | Comments (2)

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This is time of spiritual growth for me.  God has orchestrated my my life in such a way that I have clearly heard from Him that I am to be growing in my faith.  I need to learn to hear His voice better; I need to deepen my faith in Him; I need to grow in my personal Bible study time; and I need to learn to depend on Him more, instead of trusting in me.  All of the above I thought I had a pretty good handle on, but it seems that God does not agree with me.  I'm sure on the flip side I'll realize it too...

Anyway, the past few days I've found myself in what I can only call a "Holy Conundrum."  You see, I love God and I want to become more like Christ; and I know that growing spiritually requires the things I mentioned above.  I also know, however, that God is using this time in my life to prepare me for the "next step."  I believe that God has told me that I need to grow in the above areas so I'll be prepared for whatever my next assignment is.  Here's the conundrum:  every time I engage in an activity that I know is going to grow me spiritually, I feel frustrated because I also feel like I'm trying to force God's hand.

I desperately want what's next, so I'm trying to do what I know I need to do so that I'm ready to move on.   At the same time, I need to grow in Christ because of Who He is, not because of what He can do for me.  The two states not only coexist, but they have the same solution.  But since both growing and Christ and preparing to move on require the same thing from me, it causes me to question if I'm really trying to grow to know God better, or if I'm just trying to do what I have to do to get out of this uncomfortable period.

I know that you cannot make God do anything.  He is not a magic formula - if I do X and Y, then He'll do Z.  That's not how He works!  If I'm just trying to elicit a response from God, then I'm definitely NOT growing in Christ.  But since I know that growing in Christ is necessary for my "next step," that's always in the back (and sometimes the front) of my mind when I'm praying, reading my Bible, meditating, etc.  So how do I engage in any spiritual growth activity w/out the companion thought that I'm trying to "get" something from God?  It's such a weird thought process for me to be caught in that loop, and as I struggle to make sense of it and find a solution the only thing I can relate it to is my wife.

Andrea LOVES massages.  Her feet and shoulders are continually sore and achy, and she absolutely loves to have the stress, tension, and pain rubbed out of them.  Personally, I don't amazingly enjoy giving the massages because I have to press and rub so hard that my fingers and hands hurt when I'm done.  But, Andrea being happy, content, and feeling loved is important to me so I try to do it for her whenever I think about it.  Through 15 years of conversation and experience, though, I have also learned that shoulder and foot massages are also a good way to get her "in the mood."  In and of itself, that's a good thing; except that she knows that I know massages are a good way to start the path toward a romantic encounter.  So, whenever I begin a massage, she often comments, "Well I know what you want!"  And I get booted off the road to romance because the "feeling loved" part goes away and the perception of an ulterior motive.  And it's true that I always am wanting to walk that road, I at the same time want to make her feel loved, happy, and not achy too.  And therein lies my boggle.


  • As a Christian, I must exercise Spiritual Disciplines to grow in Christ.
  • In order to move from my current situation, I must grow in Christ.
  • In order to grow in Christ, though, I must want more of Him because of Who He is, not what He can do.
  • My desire for both is strong; yet they are in opposition 

What about you?  Do you feel that way with God?  Like you know that He wants something out of you; but in doing that very thing, it's also like you're also trying to get something from Him?  It is a struggle to ensure that your motive to grow in Christ is dominant when your desire for the outcome is so strong?  What do you think?

Defeating Distractions

Posted by Gary Chevalier | Comments (3)

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I’ve come to the realization over the last few days that my life is filled with distractions.  Since right now I have less to do than I have pretty much my whole life, I find this concept a little odd.  Nevertheless, I had the realization today that when the tough topics of my life and my journey to become more like Christ arise, there is an abundance of things that my mind always runs to as a distraction.  Not at first, of course.  First I focus for a few minutes and really pray to God about it...for His healing; His grace; His strength; His guidance, etc.  If I can recall an associated scripture then I go through that too.  After all, that’s what we good Christians do, right?  But rarely do I spend more than about 5 minutes on the given topic.  Very seldom do I devote an amount of time listening to God which is proportionate to the size of the stronghold in my life.  Instead, as soon as I can, I skedaddle* on to something else...something that either engages my brain on a different topic, or totally shuts it down from “productive” mode (like watching TV) - ANYTHING so that I can distract myself from the topic and not have to think about it.
*“Skedaddle” is another Texas word - it means “to move quickly.”  Don’t ask me why I used it - I don’t know.  It just came out in my typing and no other word seems to be a better fit there!

Why do I do this?  Why am I so eager to distract myself from the tough issues in my life?  Is it defensive mechanism?  A way for me to not have to deal with the issue at hand?  Subconsciously it must be.  These tough issues in my life often consist of (but are not limited to) pride; self-reliance; and things (idols) which I inadvertently place before God.  I guess it’s easy to see why I’d run from them; they hurt!  And they’re hard to deal with...habits...things I enjoy...the “natural” way I act...etc.  But the Bible is filled with admonishments to meditate on the Lord’s precepts.  To spend time in two-way communication with Him, the Bible is clear that you have to be still and listen.  As a 30+ year Christian and 17+ year pastor, you’d think that I’d have that figured out by now.  But I guess I don’t.  It seems that the “be still and listen to God” lesson (among others) is forever on replay.
For many years I’ve thought it’s because I’m such a “do something” person.  I have such a need to feel productive; but when I’m sitting and being quiet to listen, I don’t feel productive.  There’s not a tangible, measurable outcome, so I feel unproductive.  And unproductive is bad, right?
What I’ve realized today, is that I now don’t think that’s the cause...or at least not the singular cause.  For raging within me at times is the drive to NOT think...to NOT do...to hide away, almost like the proverbial ostrich with his head stuck in the sand.  If I can’t see it; if I refuse to think about it; then it won’t be there.  But that’s just simple, Psyc 101 Denial.  I find whatever I can to distract me from the real issue at hand; and the real, brutal truth is this:  I prefer putting on a band-aid and going on my way, when God wants to do surgery.  I’d rather patch myself together with Duck Tape so that “it’ll work,” when God wants to shut down for a few days and weld the framework back in place.
But no longer.
Today, God has revealed this to me in a very real way, and I am resolute to confront it and bleed.  Today, I really feel like the Alcoholic who has finally acknowledged his problem after years of denial and is checking himself into rehab.  Today, you can too.  Do you run from the tough spots in your own life?  Do you hide from them or find a distraction like I do?  Today you can face them with a friend.  Will you join me?

5 Things I Learned About Life from My First Mountain Biking Experience

Posted by Gary Chevalier | Comments (0)

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Last weekend I tried Mountain Biking for the very first time.  My brother-in-law is training for the Tour Divide Race (a month long biking journey from Canada to Mexico), and I thought it would be awesome to go single track riding through the woods w/ him.  And I was right!  It was fun!  And I learned a little about me, about God, and about life in the process.  What you're about to read is not a definitive work of the experience, but rather the "edited to run in the time allotted" TV version.  Hang on!  :)

Riding is always better with friends.
God built us to want community and to desire the company of others.  I probably would've liked riding the trails just fine had I gone alone - but I REALLY enjoyed it because I was with my brother-in-law, and for a little while, my sister (*more on that later).  It was fun to talk back and forth, making witty cracks about this or that; or stop and watch each other fly down hills with reckless abandon; or laugh together about barely missing the tree that would've ended your life (or at least your ride that day).  Because I chose to ride with others, the morning twice as nice!

We also came across a couple of bikers on the trail, one of whom's chain had broken.  We loaned him a chain tool and then went on our way.  About 10 minutes later, his friend chased us down to borrow it for a second repair.  Had his friend not been there to ride after us, he'd have been out of luck.

The beauty of how God designed the Christian life is both shared experience, and shared burden.

Learn from someone who knows more than you.
Multiple times in scripture we see instructions to teach by being a living example; or for the older women to teach the younger women; Moses learned from Jethro, Joshua learned from Moses; Elisha learned from Elijah...the list goes on.

My brother in law knows about biking - he knows the equipment, how to attack the trail, etc.  (He better or he's not going to make it past Colorado on the Tour Divide!)  I watched how he put the front tire on the bike.  I followed his lines through the curves in the trails.  I listened for him to gear up or down as we approached hills, curves, etc.  I could've ignored him and did it all on my own, but why? My ride was much more fun simply because I canned pride and was willing to take advantage of his knowledge.

Don't look at where you are;  look at where you're going.
Something I learned very quickly while trying to dodge the trees and branches on the windy trail is to look ahead.  If you're looking at where your bike is, then everything that comes at you is a surprise and you're gonna crash.  More than once I dodged a root in the trail, only to look up and see a curve and multiple trees looming right on top of me!  I had to slam on my brakes to keep from running into them!  (Fortunately, there was no one behind me to run into me or I'd have several bike tire tracks all over my back!)

When I looked AHEAD to where I was going, where I actually was at the moment took care of itself!  I saw the root in the trail and adjusted for it before I even got there; so when I got to the root I was in position and already looking at the trees and curve that was ahead.  It makes so much more sense!

Paul reminded us to keep our eyes on the Prize; and Peter walked on water as long as he kept his eyes on Jesus - only when he looked away from Jesus to the wind and waves did he start to sink.  This tells me that as we go through life, we cannot put our focus on the hazards that come our way each day.  Satan will throw his entire arsenal at if you if he needs to; but as long as you keep looking toward Christ you'll be just fine.

Adversity will come.  It's how you deal with it that makes or breaks you.
Jesus said, "In this world, you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world!" (John 16:33)  Whew!  Glad that is out in the open.  You will have trouble.  I will have trouble.  We're all gonna have trouble.  Jesus said it, so it's true!  BUT, do we let the adversity conquer us, or do we use it to our advantage.

About 20 minutes into the ride, I destroyed the crank on my brother in law's bike.  I didn't have any gear of my own, so I was borrowing his old stuff.  He tuned it up before we came, but somehow the mammoth overpowering of my massively amazing quads was too much for the crank and I broke it right off the bike!  (Actually, I think that the bolt holding it on jiggled loose somehow and came out - so it was gonna fall out anyway!)  Knowing it was my first ride, my sister graciously volunteered to let me ride her bike, and she sat out and read a book while her husband and I rode.

This problem could've ruined the day.  Instead, we had a laugh together and Amy (my sister) sacrificed her fun to enable me to ride; and Tony (my brother-in-law), used it a reminder to himself to check the tightness of the gears in the future when he checks his bike for each day's ride on the Tour Divide.

Sometimes, your butt is just gonna hurt.
After the ride, my backside was REALLY sore!  Those bike seats are not designed with comfort in mind; and comfortable or not, that amount of biking is going to make you sore.  Period.  It's just a consequence of riding.  I'm told that after a while you toughen up somewhat and it really doesn't bother you as much...or so they say.  For me, it's been 5 days and I'm still sore.  But I'm looking forward to the next time to see if they're right!

In life, it's the same thing!  You are going to encounter things that hurt you.  It's just a part of the journey.  The more you endure hurtful things, the more you're equipped to handle them and they become less hurtful.  The more your faith is tested, the stronger it becomes and the easier it is to exercise faith in the future.  Get it?  If you run from anything that's hurtful or challenging, you'll never grow.  BUT, if you lean on God and persevere through it, you'll come out better on the flip side!

That's it!  I hope this little banter encouraged you and made you laugh.  If you have more to add, I encourage you to leave a comment.  I bet there's much more to learn about life from Mountain Biking from you guys who have been doing it awhile!



Under Siege

Posted by Gary Chevalier | Comments (2)

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On Saturday night I was reading scripture, praying, and meditating - doing my final preparations to lead worship on Sunday - and I landed in 2 Kings 6.  I was looking for the story where Elisha tells his servant not to be afraid, that "those who are with us are more than those who are against us," and then prays that the servants eyes would be opened the chariots of fire which covered the hills surrounding the armies of the King of Aram.  I read through it and jotted a few notes to myself about how it would tie in with some of the songs we were singing on Sunday (you know, normal stuff), when I had the hankerin' to turn the page and continue on in chapter 7.  (For those of you "non-Texans" out there, hankerin' best translates as "spontaneous desire.")

You see, Chapter 6 leaves you in a bit of a cliff-hanger.  Shortly after the story of the chariots of fire on the hill, we find Elisha and the people of Israel under siege in Samaria by, you guessed it, the King of Aram.  Things were bad in the city...a small bag of grain sold for an enormous sum of money, and people were eating whatever they could find - donkey's heads, their children (look it up!  it's true!), etc.  Chapter 6 ends with the king's messenger bringing this message to Elisha:  "This disaster is from the LORD. Why should I wait for the LORD any longer?"  And that's how the chapter ends!  Yikes!  (You see, GOD - not Hollywood nor Shakespeare - invented cliff-hangers!)  So what happens next?!  I HAD to know...so I kept reading.

***DISCLAIMER - For all you purists out there: Yes, I know that the Bible was not written with Chapters and verses, so the original text reads like a contiguous story.  However, WE HAVE chapters and numbers, so it reads like a cliff-hanger to me.  And since I believe that God planned the Bible from the beginning of time, I will still solidly claim that He invented cliff-hangers!  LOl!***

ANYWAY, at the beginning of Chapter 7 Elisha tells the king (basically) that tomorrow the siege will be over and there will be an abundance of food.  An army officer who was assisting the king said, "Look, even if the LORD should open the floodgates of the heavens, could this happen?"  Elisha calmly replied, "You will see it with your own eyes, but you will not eat any of it!"

Now, there's an abundance of things we can learn from this - not the least of which is to think before we speak and not stick our noses into conversations in which they don't belong.  What stuck out to me most, though, was that the officer's desperation seemed to fuel a lack of faith in God's power.  Look carefully at his words..."even if the Lord should open the floodgates of heaven, could this happen?"  By this statement, he's basically saying, "even if God gave it everything He had, He still couldn't do what you're saying."  Ouch.  Those are the careless words of a man, spoken in the most desperate of situations.

Today, we really don't "get" what a siege was.  I've read up on it a little, and I still really don't comprehend the scene.  Try to think about it, though.  You're locked up in a castle with no way to re-plentish your food supply.  Regular attacks and bombardments came and went; sleep was hard to come by - and certainly not good and sound sleep.  Life under siege was horrid.  Existence was excruciating; and as a soldier, he surely knew what waited for them at the end of the siege.  After being starved for many days (sometimes months), those who lived long enough to see the final onslaught would be little match for the invading force and they would be mercilessly wiped out.  Men, women, and children would be killed - often in gruesome ways.  Some would become slaves, most nearly all would die.  In his shoes, I can only imagine the desperation, exhaustion, and hopelessness he felt as he spoke those words:  and he pays for it.  Look at Elisha's response, "Oh yeah.  You'll see it happen - but that's it.  You won't experience it."

The story goes on that God causes the soldiers in the Aramean camp to flee and all their provisions are left behind.  The army officer stands at the city gate and sees that it is true, but is trampled to death by all the hungry people trying to get to the food.  He saw it, but he did not eat of it.

How many times have I been in that army officer's shoes?  How many times have I spoken careless words in the middle of a stressful situation?  How many times have I doubted that God would deliver me when I could see no realistic solution to my problem?  (How many times have I stuck my nose into conversations in which it didn't belong?!) Too many, I'm sad to admit.

When we're in these extreme stress situations, WE SIMPLY MUST view them through spiritual eyes.  In the day to day realm, hopelessness can prevail; with spiritual eyes, however, hopeless situations are caused by spiritual forces working against you.  And to Whom do we turn when the evil one attacks?  Of course!  We must lift our eyes to the hills, for our help comes from the Lord, the Creator of the earth.  WE SIMPLY MUST retrain our mind to see stressful, hopeless situations for what they truly are - a way to build our faith and for God to show his glory.

As Elisha prayed for his servant, I pray for you, me, and all of us...that whatever our situation, that our eyes will be opened to see Your strength in the spiritual realm. And that we will be faithful in our actions AND our words, so that we will not only see God's deliverance - but taste it too!


Water Your Grass!

Posted by Gary Chevalier | 1 comments

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On Saturday I took my children to a "Miniature Horse Farm" (which happened to be located at a Monastery).  It was fun to walk around and see full grown horses that were about the same size as a great dane.  In more than one pasture, we witnessed the horses shoving their heads through (and under) the fences to try to reach the grass and weeds that were on the other side.  It was interesting, and at times somewhat comical, to watch their heads and necks contort, their snouts shove through and under wires and boards, and their lips and teeth stretch and grasp to get just a smidgeon of the blades of grass that were barely out of their reach.  My daughters could see that there was plenty of grass for them to eat on the horses' side of the fence, as well as a bunch of hay lying around as well.  "Why are they doing that Daddy?" they asked.  "Because," I said with a smirk, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!"

I must admit that I was proud of myself for coming up with such a fun quip at the right moment, and chuckled at how clever I was. (Usually I'm much more like George Constanza and think 20 minutes later what I should've said.)  After a few moments of shameless self-affirmation, I explained to the girls how the old adage, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" had developed from just this very thing.  Then, I took advantage of a teachable moment and explained to them that we are often like the horses.  We have plenty of food (or whatever) at our feet, but instead we want what's out of bounds.  What's just out of our reach, or simply forbidden.  For some reason, people seem to think it's better than what they have.  (I should've thought to remind them that Adam and Eve ate from the Forbidden Tree, when all the rest of the Garden of Eden was available to them; but alas, my hiatus from the Constanza Syndrome was short-lived and I didn't think of that analogy until just now!)  I spent much of the rest of the afternoon thinking what a great parent I had just been, but I was simultaneously smacked in the face with what a lousy husband I had been just the previous day.

This past week had been a fairly difficult week for me, and I'd been pretty on edge with my wife,  Andrea.  I was more than a little frustrated with her for not being "understanding and sensitive" of my hurt from this predicament (spoken like a true Melancholy!); yet in all honesty, I wasn't being very understanding of her either!  In particular, I had griped at her the previous evening for dragging me into stores 3 days in a row.  (Please understand, I deplore shopping...5 minutes or 5 hours, I abhor going to stores.)  We didn't spend more than an hour or two shopping on any of the days, but I was hacked off that I was there.  For her, shopping is therapeutic (even if she buys very little - it actually bothers her to spend a lot of money...she just likes to look at all the pretty things that are out there).  We've argued that point many times, but I was feeling particularly uncared about by my spouse that night and generally doing the "Poor Pitiful Me Parade" in my head.  Well, no sooner had I explained the green grass thing to the girls, than something I heard long ago popped into my head.  ("Popped" is probably an understatement..."slammed into like a Hollywood stunt man" is a little more accurate.)  I'm not sure who originally said it, and I can't even remember who said it to me...but I do remember with crystal clarity the power of what was said...

"The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence...the grass is greener where you water it."

When it comes to relationships (especially the one with your spouse), you MUST put in the time and effort to keep it fresh and make it grow.  Just like watering your grass, the more you invest in your spouse, the better the relationship is!  Far too many people are like those horses - they abuse themselves to catch just a morsel of what they should not have, while plentiful nourishment is at their feet!  What they have, however, if often neglected and ignored.  If we, as spouses, will invest the time to water our relationship...oh, what love will grow and what joy will fill our stomachs!  We won't have to resort to reaching out of the fence line because we'll realize that what we already have is more than enough!

What about you?  Are you watering the grass in your marriage; or are you trampling on what's in your pasture and instead yearning and straining for what is purposefully out of reach?  If you're the latter, what can you do to direct your energy to water your relationship with your spouse?

****EPILOGUE
In case you were wondering how the story ends, I resolved that afternoon to water my grass.  After I picked Andrea up from her speaking engagement, we took her to one of her all-time favorite restaurants, "Casa Ole."  (Which I, by the way, really don't like.)  When we arrived home from Brenham, Andrea wanted to go out shopping for the final 2 hours before the mall closed.  This time, I offered to go to the mall with her and the girls.  Personally, I'd rather have stayed home and relaxed; BUT, I chose to invest time in her and go shopping instead...and I'm so glad that I did!  We had fun at the mall as a family, sharing multiple giggles and generally just bonding.  You know the look in your wife's eyes that happens in those moments when she's glad that she married you?  I got one of those...

The grass REALLY IS greener where you water it!


Posted by Gary Chevalier | Comments (6)

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I read a friend's blog this morning (www.shelleyhendrix.org) and it really resonated with me...about our period of waiting and how exhausting it is. As I have stewed on it in my mind, the imagery of a ship keeps taking over my thoughts. Perhaps it's last night's burrito and too many episodes of "The Deadliest Catch," but I think, rather, that the Holy Spirit is trying to speak some encouragement and teach me a lesson about worshipping God with my life.

On the high seas, when the wind and waves are relentlessly coming after you, the boat is on a continual course of UP and DOWN, and UP and Down. You crest the wave, and then go crashing down in an explosion of sea spray; you crest the wave, and then go crashing down in an explosion of sea spray...over and over the seemingly endless cycle repeats.

But during this time, you are not simply at the mercy of the sea. No, you have to work hard to keep the ship oriented to the waves so that you're taking them at the proper angle. If you don't, you'll capsize for sure! And it takes work to do this...it is continual labor to keep the bow of the ship pointed the right way. In fact, sometimes you even have to go off course from the direction you want to be going in order to keep the boat oriented properly. This constant up-down-correct-up-down-correct cycle is maddening, but it is necessary to preserve the ship.

Moreover, in the old days, sailors had to keep their eyes on a fixed point (usually land formations or lighthouses) in order to keep their bearings. These could only be seen from the CREST of the wave. When they went crashing down into the trough, nothing could be seen but the enormity of the wave around them. It wasn't until they crested the next wave that they could see their destination again.

This morning, the Christian life feels very much like the boat in a stormy sea. It is very frustrating and very disappointing to be stuck in this storm; this continual up-down-up-down cycle. I praise God for the wave crest, where I can glimpse the prize and the destination; but I am filled with hurt, disappointment, and sometimes a loss of hope during the troughs (which, by the way, seem to be much more lengthy than the crests). It's hard to keep my focus on praising God during those times. But indeed, even in the troughs, His hand is still on me. And even though it seems that we have veered off course during the storm and we're not headed toward our destination, the destination remains. IT is the fixed point to which we sail. GOD'S WILL remains constant in this ever-churning sea on which we now struggle.

Living a lifestyle of worship means that we keep orienting our lives to handle the waves that come at us. Even if they seem to take us away from the final destination, God's will cannot be thwarted and we will find our way there. Unfortunately, sometimes we may shipwreck (Paul - Acts 27) and be detoured. But God will always use that time, if you're surrendered to Him, before moving you on to the final destination of where He wants you to go (Acts 28).

So be encouraged! If you're in a storm, however tedious it may be, keep working to orient your ship (do the things you know to do). Enjoy the crests when you can, and be diligent in the troughs. God will bring you safely to the next destination in His due time.
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