I’ve come to the realization over the last few days that my life is filled with distractions. Since right now I have less to do than I have pretty much my whole life, I find this concept a little odd. Nevertheless, I had the realization today that when the tough topics of my life and my journey to become more like Christ arise, there is an abundance of things that my mind always runs to as a distraction. Not at first, of course. First I focus for a few minutes and really pray to God about it...for His healing; His grace; His strength; His guidance, etc. If I can recall an associated scripture then I go through that too. After all, that’s what we good Christians do, right? But rarely do I spend more than about 5 minutes on the given topic. Very seldom do I devote an amount of time listening to God which is proportionate to the size of the stronghold in my life. Instead, as soon as I can, I skedaddle* on to something else...something that either engages my brain on a different topic, or totally shuts it down from “productive” mode (like watching TV) - ANYTHING so that I can distract myself from the topic and not have to think about it.
*“Skedaddle” is another Texas word - it means “to move quickly.” Don’t ask me why I used it - I don’t know. It just came out in my typing and no other word seems to be a better fit there!
Why do I do this? Why am I so eager to distract myself from the tough issues in my life? Is it defensive mechanism? A way for me to not have to deal with the issue at hand? Subconsciously it must be. These tough issues in my life often consist of (but are not limited to) pride; self-reliance; and things (idols) which I inadvertently place before God. I guess it’s easy to see why I’d run from them; they hurt! And they’re hard to deal with...habits...things I enjoy...the “natural” way I act...etc. But the Bible is filled with admonishments to meditate on the Lord’s precepts. To spend time in two-way communication with Him, the Bible is clear that you have to be still and listen. As a 30+ year Christian and 17+ year pastor, you’d think that I’d have that figured out by now. But I guess I don’t. It seems that the “be still and listen to God” lesson (among others) is forever on replay.
For many years I’ve thought it’s because I’m such a “do something” person. I have such a need to feel productive; but when I’m sitting and being quiet to listen, I don’t feel productive. There’s not a tangible, measurable outcome, so I feel unproductive. And unproductive is bad, right?
What I’ve realized today, is that I now don’t think that’s the cause...or at least not the singular cause. For raging within me at times is the drive to NOT think...to NOT do...to hide away, almost like the proverbial ostrich with his head stuck in the sand. If I can’t see it; if I refuse to think about it; then it won’t be there. But that’s just simple, Psyc 101 Denial. I find whatever I can to distract me from the real issue at hand; and the real, brutal truth is this: I prefer putting on a band-aid and going on my way, when God wants to do surgery. I’d rather patch myself together with Duck Tape so that “it’ll work,” when God wants to shut down for a few days and weld the framework back in place.
But no longer.
Today, God has revealed this to me in a very real way, and I am resolute to confront it and bleed. Today, I really feel like the Alcoholic who has finally acknowledged his problem after years of denial and is checking himself into rehab. Today, you can too. Do you run from the tough spots in your own life? Do you hide from them or find a distraction like I do? Today you can face them with a friend. Will you join me?
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3 comments:
You might enjoy Lauren F. Winner's article "Against the Cell." While the main topic is tengential for you, some of her comments are spot on. She suggests that we've allowed the cell phone take up the few remaining bits of solitude we have in our society & prompts the reader to question why.
Being consciously, deliberately alone and quiet is difficult for many.
When I heard her speak last year, she said that she sometimes shows a 3.5hr movie called "Integrate Silence" to one of her Duke Divinity classes. The entire thing is of monastic life & is silent. In feedback, the students were upset over the absence of a Protestant-Work-Ethic-type evangelism. They couldn't appreciate "unproductive" time, even though it was spent in meditation.
God uses downtime, Himself, and instituted a number of "quite times" for his people, most of which were never truly honored.
Thanks for your recommendation Thirsty! I enjoyed the article, and it was spot on...
(For anyone else who wants to read it, you can find it here...
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001207.cfm
There's also a book I LOVE called, "Orbiting the Giant Hairball" by Gordon MacKenzie which stresses the need for downtime as the time when the "creative process" happens. (As an artistic worship pastor, this is very important for me!) He likens it to the cow munching it's cud in the field. According to MacKenzie, corporate America would have the cow plugged up to the milking machine 24/7, but it's the time spent in the field, seemingly doing nothing, when the alchemy of turning grass into milk occurs. "The Good and Beautiful God" by James Bryan Smith (a book I'm reading now) also stresses the need for silence and alone time.
OK God! I get it! Now I need you to help me actually DO IT! :)
I've been reading Foster's Celebration of Discipline & Barton's Sacred Rhythms - love them both! Both cover meditation, solitude, silence, listening.
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