Water Your Grass!

Posted by Gary Chevalier | 1 comments

On Saturday I took my children to a "Miniature Horse Farm" (which happened to be located at a Monastery). It was fun to walk around and see full grown horses that were about the same size as a great dane. In more than one pasture, we witnessed the horses shoving their heads through (and under) the fences to try to reach the grass and weeds that were on the other side. It was interesting, and at times somewhat comical, to watch their heads and necks contort, their snouts shove through and under wires and boards, and their lips and teeth stretch and grasp to get just a smidgeon of the blades of grass that were barely out of their reach. My daughters could see that there was plenty of grass for them to eat on the horses' side of the fence, as well as a bunch of hay lying around as well. "Why are they doing that Daddy?" they asked. "Because," I said with a smirk, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!"

I must admit that I was proud of myself for coming up with such a fun quip at the right moment, and chuckled at how clever I was. (Usually I'm much more like George Constanza and think 20 minutes later what I should've said.) After a few moments of shameless self-affirmation, I explained to the girls how the old adage, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" had developed from just this very thing. Then, I took advantage of a teachable moment and explained to them that we are often like the horses. We have plenty of food (or whatever) at our feet, but instead we want what's out of bounds. What's just out of our reach, or simply forbidden. For some reason, people seem to think it's better than what they have. (I should've thought to remind them that Adam and Eve ate from the Forbidden Tree, when all the rest of the Garden of Eden was available to them; but alas, my hiatus from the Constanza Syndrome was short-lived and I didn't think of that analogy until just now!) I spent much of the rest of the afternoon thinking what a great parent I had just been, but I was simultaneously smacked in the face with what a lousy husband I had been just the previous day.

This past week had been a fairly difficult week for me, and I'd been pretty on edge with my wife, Andrea. I was more than a little frustrated with her for not being "understanding and sensitive" of my hurt from this predicament (spoken like a true Melancholy!); yet in all honesty, I wasn't being very understanding of her either! In particular, I had griped at her the previous evening for dragging me into stores 3 days in a row. (Please understand, I deplore shopping...5 minutes or 5 hours, I abhor going to stores.) We didn't spend more than an hour or two shopping on any of the days, but I was hacked off that I was there. For her, shopping is therapeutic (even if she buys very little - it actually bothers her to spend a lot of money...she just likes to look at all the pretty things that are out there). We've argued that point many times, but I was feeling particularly uncared about by my spouse that night and generally doing the "Poor Pitiful Me Parade" in my head. Well, no sooner had I explained the green grass thing to the girls, than something I heard long ago popped into my head. ("Popped" is probably an understatement..."slammed into like a Hollywood stunt man" is a little more accurate.) I'm not sure who originally said it, and I can't even remember who said it to me...but I do remember with crystal clarity the power of what was said...

"The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence...the grass is greener where you water it."

When it comes to relationships (especially the one with your spouse), you MUST put in the time and effort to keep it fresh and make it grow. Just like watering your grass, the more you invest in your spouse, the better the relationship is! Far too many people are like those horses - they abuse themselves to catch just a morsel of what they should not have, while plentiful nourishment is at their feet! What they have, however, if often neglected and ignored. If we, as spouses, will invest the time to water our relationship...oh, what love will grow and what joy will fill our stomachs! We won't have to resort to reaching out of the fence line because we'll realize that what we already have is more than enough!

What about you? Are you watering the grass in your marriage; or are you trampling on what's in your pasture and instead yearning and straining for what is purposefully out of reach? If you're the latter, what can you do to direct your energy to water your relationship with your spouse?

****EPILOGUE

In case you were wondering how the story ends, I resolved that afternoon to water my grass. After I picked Andrea up from her speaking engagement, we took her to one of her all-time favorite restaurants, "Casa Ole." (Which I, by the way, really don't like.) When we arrived home from Brenham, Andrea wanted to go out shopping for the final 2 hours before the mall closed. This time, I offered to go to the mall with her and the girls. Personally, I'd rather have stayed home and relaxed; BUT, I chose to invest time in her and go shopping instead...and I'm so glad that I did! We had fun at the mall as a family, sharing multiple giggles and generally just bonding. You know the look in your wife's eyes that happens in those moments when she's glad that she married you? I got one of those...

The grass REALLY IS greener where you water it!