Living a Lifestyle of Worship

I'm gonna go out on a HUGE limb right now and share something that is deeply personal, yet I believe needs to have broad exposure.  In all honesty, I'm still processing it myself and I hope that through writing this blog post I can come to understand it better...and in doing so, hopefully you will benefit from reading it as well.

For the last several weeks I have been having a recurring nightmare.  It doesn't come every night, but it is getting more and more frequent, and stronger and more vivid each time.  Last night the dream woke me up at 3:48 AM, in literal tears from the experience of my dream.  (I didn't know you could cry in your sleep, but my face was definitely wet with tears.)  In that "half-awake, half-asleep"state when you wake from an emotional dream, it is difficult to separate reality from the dream and the feelings you're feeling are real.  I remember one time I dreamed that my brother and his wife had gotten a divorce, and I was sad the entire morning - it wasn't until after lunch that I realized I'd dreamed it all and they were, in fact, still happily married.   (Is this just me, or do any of you know what I mean?)

Last night's dream not only made me cry, but caused me physical pain...literally, my heart hurt with the burden of the sadness and it was well into the morning (and a conversation with a good friend) before I was able to really start functioning well and get the sadness off of my mind.

*BEAR IN MIND THAT THIS WAS JUST A DREAM*
In this dream, there is a man who has moved into our house.  Andrea treats him like someone she really cares about.  She laughs at his jokes, is considerate of him, buys clothes for him, etc. and really treats him like one of the family...more specifically, she treats him like a husband.  (...I'm starting to feel that intense sadness again as I relive the dream to describe it to you...).  Now, she doesn't act with animosity toward me.  She still smiles at me and treats me kindly (because that's the type of person she is), but as the dream progresses, I start to see from the outside more and more that she's treating him like a husband, and more and more treating me like a casual friend.  I desperately try to garner her attention and her affection, but as the dream progresses I get more desperate as I feel her slipping away from me.  Again, she still treats me kindly, but not affectionately.  As the pain and desperation culminate, I usually wake up in sadness.

Last night, however, was different; last night the dream kept going...
It was night time, and I noticed in my bed that she was not there with me...I looked to the left and instead saw her snuggled up to this man.  There is a distinct way that Andrea snuggles with me - a certain spot that her head rests in my arms and a certain spot on my chest that her hand lays.  I DEARLY love our snuggle time - it is very special to me; and as I looked and saw her snuggled with him in the manner that she should be snuggling with me, I knew she wasn't mine anymore...and I was so taken with grief that it literally felt like my heart exploded in my chest.  That's the point where I woke up hurting, crying, and feeling like my bride no longer put me in first place.
*END DREAM*

Like I said, this same dream (with the exception of the last little part) has been haunting me for weeks now.  Up until today, I have attributed it to the fact that I'm currently living and working in a separate city from Andrea and I desperately miss her.  I've prayed several times that God would take that dream away, but today as I processed it and worked through the emotional hurt I felt I came to a staggering realization:  I think that dream may be somewhat of an allegory.

When we put other things ahead of Jesus in our lives, I wonder if He feels the pain like I felt as I dreamed about Andrea giving her affection to another man?  The love, consideration, snuggling, etc. that belonged to me, her husband, were instead given to another man and it hurt me.  Are we not the bride of Christ?  Jesus alone deserves our affection, our time, our priority, our consideration, and yes, the intimacy of our snuggles.  But when we place something else as a priority over Him, aren't we doing exactly what Andrea was doing to me in the dream?  Remember, she still treated me kindly in the dream...there was no animosity or bad feelings from her toward me...she just didn't treat me like I was her husband, and instead gave that affection to someone else.  And even the "dream" of that happening caused me physical and emotional pain.  How must it make Jesus feel when we do it to Him for real?

Again, I'll admit that I'm still processing this, but even so, I have to say that it is a valid question to ask.  How does Jesus feel when I prioritize anything over Him?  How does He feel when he sees me giving my affection to something else, instead of to Him?  Does He feel like I felt when Andrea was kind to me and talked to me, but kept her intimate moments for someone else?

I encourage you to take some time today and pray through this idea of affection.  As the Bride of Christ, where are you giving your affection?  Where do you spend most of your time?  How much do you talk with Him?  What role does He play in your life?  Do your actions tell Him that He is your "casual" friend instead of the one to whom you have pledged your life?  What can you do to remedy that?  How can you regain your daily relationship Jesus as a priority in your life?

Last weekend my family and I were given the gift of staying at a friend's beach house.  We drove out late Friday evening (it was my daughter's first time to ride the ferry between Galveston Island and Bolivar Peninsula - they had a ball!), found the house (it was BEAUTIFUL), went to sleep, and woke up the next day for breakfast on the porch which has a view of the ocean.  It was soooooooo peaceful and relaxing.


I think I've discovered why I love the ocean so much - it stimulates all 5 of the senses.  You can see it, hear it, smell it, touch it, and yes, even taste it.  I must admit that I don't really enjoy the taste of the salt water, and I really don't enjoy the sand anymore (I LOVED it when I was a kid, but now, not so much).  Still, going to the ocean is draw for me and I go whenever I can.  This past weekend, however, it was more than that.  It was a poignant reminder to me of Who God is.

Multiple times during the weekend I found myself sitting on the porch to have a snack, to read, or just to be still and listen to the ocean.  I think it was the ceaseless rumble of the crashing waves and the perpetual wind that grabbed my attention this time, and really spoke to me about the infinity and power of God.

I've never seen a placid beach.  Lakes and ponds can get as smooth as glass, but the wind and waves never stop at the beach.  As I listened and prayed that day, I sensed God in them...infinite...powerful...soothing.  On and on the waves come, without source or end, announcing their presence with the whitecapped breakers.  The constant wind, carrying seagulls and pelicans, whipping flags, blowing hair, and bending stalks of beach grass.  Whether I was sitting on the porch, walking along shore, or at the Donut shop buying donuts and boudin kolaches for breakfast (yes, boudin kolaches - and they were AWESOME), the sound of the waves and gentle push of the wind was there.

Just like God, though, the ocean is not always gentle and soothing.  Merely two years ago, Hurricane Ike had torn across this beach and literally wiped it clean.  Beach houses, roads, vehicles, etc. all succumbed to the fury of the wind and waves.  I saw the satellite pictures of where our friend's beach house used to be.  The thriving community had vanished - even the roads were covered by sand - and we lamented the loss of their house with them.  It is staggering to think that such power and force comes from wind and water, but if you've been in a tornado, hurricane, or tsunami you understand it.  (I've got 2 of the 3 under my belt...not anxious to complete the hat trick!)

Staring at the vastness of the ocean, feeling the wind, and hearing the waves, the majesty and power of God was in full display.  Scripture tells us that the heavens declare the glory of God (Psalm 19:1).  This past weekend, the ocean declared the glory of God.  Peace, comfort, power, wrath, infinity - it's all there.

Oh yeah, one last thing I learned.  Remember that Ike wiped the beach clean, but we were staying at our friend's house?  God makes all things new.  In the span of 2 years, the desolation of that beach was marked by a few lonely support posts and empty slabs.  Everywhere you looked, beautiful houses had been rebuilt, roads were cleared of sand, people were walking dogs, feeding seagulls, fishing, and cruising around on their souped-up golf carts.  New life had been given to the barren beach.  The Lord gives; and He takes away.  He shapes and reshapes the potter's clay as He purposes.

Wherever you find your life today, the power, love, comfort, peace, and yes, wrath, of our Infinite God is always there - just like the wind and waves.  No one is too big to be brought down; no one is too destroyed to build up.  Our solution?  Live and love each day like the hurricane can come tomorrow.  Old beach house, new beach house, or no beach house:  live by God's guidelines, and share Jesus' story as much as you can.

So my wife has latched onto Jillian Michaels' book, "Mastering Your Metabolism," and her war against high fructose corn syrup (and other fake-foods that are bad for you) and has totally changed our diet and how we eat.  In her defense, some of the new foods we eat actually taste good, and even for the ones that don't, we have seen a remarkably positive difference in my household's collective health.  But this post isn't about eating healthier food and taking better care of the Holy Spirit's temple...

Today she sent me a link to this article on MSNBC.com about how fructose has recently been linked to pancreatic cancer proliferation and expansion.  Now, the conclusion that even my 8 yr old can draw is this:  HFCS(high fructose corn syrup) consumption goes up; as do cases of Cancer.  This research draws a pretty clear link.  BUT (here comes my favorite part)...the researches are now searching to create a pill to stop cancer cells from using the fructose.  So we don't go to the source of the problem and encourage people to fix it by controlling their fructose intake.  No, instead we attempt to create a band-aid to treat the symptom of the problem.  The original problem itself will remain and, as history shows us, will eventually find a way to become tolerant of the treatment and/or a new health problem will develop from the treatment...which will then require treatment.  And the sad cycle goes on and on.

Rewind now to two days ago.  I was listening to the radio in my car, and a snippet of a Tony Evans message (Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas, TX) came on.  He said that one of our biggest problems in our relationship with God is that we don't call sin what He calls sin.  For instance, we look at our overwhelming credit card debt and think, "I've just had a hard run of luck," or "I don't get paid what I'm worthy;" instead of saying, "I've been living outside of my means and not treating my money as God would have me treat it."  So we don't get right with God and repent from our sin, because we don't recognize our behavior as sin.  And then the sin-barrier between us and God not only remains, but grows stronger.

As I read that MSNBC article a little bit ago, this message jumped into my head, clear as a bell.  We don't call our sin, sin.  Without recognizing this behavior as sin, we don't stop feeing our bodies massive amounts of fructose that it was never designed to process.  Instead, we try to make a pill to treat it.  We don't correct the sin, and thus the behavior doesn't change.

I've watched NBC's "The Biggest Loser" enough to know that if you attack the source of the unhealthy behaviors, then the body responds.  I LOVE watching the Finale show and seeing what the contestants have done to their bodies and their lives, just from calling their overeating sin and instilling proper diet and exercise habits.  So that got me to thinking...

WHAT ELSE IN OUR LIVES DO WE NOT CALL SIN, THAT GOD CALLS SIN?

For instance, perhaps you (or I) don't memorize Scripture and hide God's Word in our heart; we believe the lie that "we just can't memorize things well."  Instead, we rely on software and smartphones to run a search for keywords that we think we might remember being part of a verse we think we heard once.  And we never really learn God's Word.

That's just an idea that's off the top of my head.  I'm sure there are far too many more.  And honestly, I'm scared to dig in and actually ask God that question.  I'm afraid of what I might find.  But I'm going to do it anyway.  To worship God and become more like Christ, I've got to do it.  We, as a body of Christ, have got to stop treating the symptoms and go straight for the root of the problem:  our sin.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

What in your life do you not call sin that God does?

Do you dare ask Him that question?

Do you dare not to ask?

After my mini-rant on the "Disease of Self" I posted earlier this week, I feel that I also need to post a corollary to that idea...something that's similar and complements it, but is not exactly the same.  And one of which I cannot so easily absolve my own actions...


I've been struggling with this revelation for the past few days.  During this time of pruning, God has brought some things in my life to my attention and I've had to deal with them, pray through them, etc.  In all honesty, though, I've not been surprised by most of them.  I need to "trust Him more," need to "commit to spend more time in prayer," etc.  All good things.  BUT, the past few days I've really been kicked in the face by something that I really thought I had a handle on.  And that pruning topic, I hate to admit, is nothing more than good, old-fashioned pride.




I've known for quite some time that pride is a way that satan can get to me.  I was quite prideful in my early days, and God really worked on me in college.  By the time I graduated, I really felt that He had brought me down a level and I was fairly humble.  Over the last 15 years or so, I have grown in knowledge and experience with Him, and (up until now) I thought that I had reached a place where pride was an ever-present stumbling block that satan could use, but which I could identify and avoid.  I know that all good things that come from me are from God, and that left to my own devices I make the wrong decisions and do not choose to love people.  With that knowledge, I've been living each day in a purposeful attempt to exhibit Jesus in my actions and deflect all praise to God.  I thought it was a good system...apparently, I have something new to learn.


God has different ways of speaking to everyone.  Unfortunately, mine is often through insomnia.  My ridiculous mind gets worked up into a tizzy thinking about things and just goes, and goes and goes.  I can't shut it off...really.  Sleep only comes when I get so mentally exhausted that my brain can't think anymore (which usually happens around 3 or 4 AM).  Then, I finally collapse into sleep.  When I get in these periods, I tend to try to find ways to distract my mind so that I don't have to deal with whatever it is.  Often I use movies, games, or Facebook as my drug of choice to alleviate the inner pain and struggle.


I've been struggling with this for several days, and I think I can now put a label of pride on it.  I thought I had pride under control.  I thought I understood what it was to trust God for everything and to give Him all the glory.  At this moment, though, I feel like I'm at square 1.  You see, I've had a few things in recent history happen to me that I deem to be unjust and unfair.  I've trusted God to be my protector and my advocate during this time, but now there's a deeper level that has been open to me.  Decisions beyond my control were made, and the result of those decisions has become a huge stressor for me...but probably not for why you're thinking it is.


Though I'm incensed at the unjustness of the decisions, I've found myself most concerned with what others think about me because of it.  I have been mentally obsessed with what some people may (or may not) think about me (and specifically my competency and ability in some specific areas).  I feel that the way things turned out makes it look like I'm a moron who doesn't know what he's doing, and it bothers me to no end that they might think that.  And if they knew the whole story, they'd understand.


After much pain, angst, and sleeplessness, I've come to the conclusion that it is pride driving those thoughts.  I can handle the unjustness of the bad decisions that were made and trust God in that...that's fine; but what I can't seem to handle is that some people might be thinking negative thoughts about me.  Are you kidding?  Really?  I'm so concerned about what some people I don't really know do (or do not) think about me that I can't sleep?  Ugh!


But that, my friends, is the ugly truth.  The root cause of it is pride.  I care about it because me being perceived in a positive light by others evidentially ranks MUCH higher on my scale of importance than I thought it did.  And as much as I hate to admit it, I again have a pride problem that I need the Holy Spirit to cleanse me of.


What about you?  I'm sure there are plenty of you who've got this figured out and don't focus quite so much on what others think.  You live a Godly life and do what He tells you to do, regardless of the opinions of others.  But, I'm equally certain that there of you who are like me, who have found themselves in the snare of the opinions of others.  We cannot live the life God has created us to live, and we cannot we cannot give Him the honor and worship He deserves if we are so hung up on "public opinion."


Will you journey with me to purge this disease of pride?  I'd love your comments, thoughts, and ideas...

It's been a couple of years since I've done one of those Lifeway "read & fill in the blank" style Bible Studies, so I decided to go retro and do another one.  After looking around for a while, I settled on one called "Abiding in Christ," which is a study of John 15:1-17.  Not only does the title really seem to hit me where I am, but it's based off of Andrew Murray's writings called, "The True Vine." Last year I was introduced to Andrew Murray's writings by doing his 31-Day Devotional called, "Waiting on God."  I thought it was rather profound, so when I saw his name attached to this Bible Study I knew it was for me.  Week 1 is officially up and I have begun Week 2 - already I can notice a difference in my life as I view my day through the lens of Abiding in Christ.

Of course, there are myriad applications to the current state of my life right now, but what has struck me most and seems to be on my heart right now is the concept of pruning the branch that bears fruit to bear more fruit (v.2).  Murray points out that while many Christians bear some fruit, they are much like the church of Laodicea - not only lukewarm [in fruit bearing], but content to be so.  As a Worship Pastor and a Christian speaker, I've devoted my life to leading people to worship God with their lives - 24/7/365 (hence the title for this blog).  I've received encouragement from many people who tell me that they see Jesus in me, and I've always tried to live for Him.  I am by no means saying that I have it all together - like everyone else, I am a miserable sinner in need of God's forgiveness and grace.  But suffice it to say, however, that I've never really considered myself to be lukewarm since I truly started to live for Him back in college.

As I read that statement the other day, though, I was stuck by how Murray qualified it:  he pointed out that the standard most of use to measure our "lukewarmess" is other people.  OUCH!  Toes stepped on - hit by a ton of bricks - Holy Spirit slap in the face...all of the above.  I can't believe I've never made that connection before!  I don't measure my service to Christ (or my knowledge of Scripture, or how much I pray, etc.) against anyone else (for instance, I'm not less of a Worship Pastor because I'm not like Chris Tomlin); and I don't look at someone else's sin and say, "Well, at least I'm not as bad as that guy."  Neither do I allow myself to float along w/out trying to use my life to make a difference for Christ.  But paired with the idea of being lukewarm, however, and I am guilty as charged!  It seems that for a long time I have measured my degree of "hot/cold/lukewarm" using others as the standard by which I measure.  I have compared their outward fruits with my own to determine that I'm not really lukewarm because God is using me to do X, Y, and Z.  In truth, though, the true measure of lukewarm comes only from God, and I daresay that it is different for everyone, depending on their own gifts and calling.  Murray has forced me to consider that perhaps the fruit I've been bearing is really only lukewarm compared to what He [the Vinedresser] wants for me...and that I've been content for some time to bear that lukewarm fruit, thinking I was hot.

John 15:2 tells us that God's pruning takes place so that we will bear more fruit.  ONLY HE sets the standard for what amount of fruit each vine should produce.  And does the Vinedresser decide that a vine has produced all the fruit that it needs to?  Does He ever stop pruning it?  I don't know.  What I do know right now is - well, perhaps "know" is too strong of a word just yet.  What I think I know right now is that somehow I have become lukewarm and not bearing the fruit that He desires for me.  Even as involved in Christian Ministry as I have been, and with the fruit of ministry that I've seen, I think that I grew content in what God was doing through me.  Of course, I always wanted God to do more...but I was totally OK if He didn't because I believed that what He was already doing through me was all right.  I'm really thinking that my "bearing fruit standards" have been skewed for quite some time, and that this pruning process I'm enduring is going to run MUCH deeper than I thought...

...snip away, Lord.  Snip away...

What about you?  If you're reading this and are a Christ-follower too, then I challenge you to scrutinize your own standard for bearing fruit.  Do you measure your degree of "hot/cold/lukewarm" against the fruits of other people like I did?  Or do you allow God to set the standard?  Are you content with how He is using you?  Do you welcome His pruning?  Will you open yourself to His pruning?

This is time of spiritual growth for me.  God has orchestrated my my life in such a way that I have clearly heard from Him that I am to be growing in my faith.  I need to learn to hear His voice better; I need to deepen my faith in Him; I need to grow in my personal Bible study time; and I need to learn to depend on Him more, instead of trusting in me.  All of the above I thought I had a pretty good handle on, but it seems that God does not agree with me.  I'm sure on the flip side I'll realize it too...

Anyway, the past few days I've found myself in what I can only call a "Holy Conundrum."  You see, I love God and I want to become more like Christ; and I know that growing spiritually requires the things I mentioned above.  I also know, however, that God is using this time in my life to prepare me for the "next step."  I believe that God has told me that I need to grow in the above areas so I'll be prepared for whatever my next assignment is.  Here's the conundrum:  every time I engage in an activity that I know is going to grow me spiritually, I feel frustrated because I also feel like I'm trying to force God's hand.

I desperately want what's next, so I'm trying to do what I know I need to do so that I'm ready to move on.   At the same time, I need to grow in Christ because of Who He is, not because of what He can do for me.  The two states not only coexist, but they have the same solution.  But since both growing and Christ and preparing to move on require the same thing from me, it causes me to question if I'm really trying to grow to know God better, or if I'm just trying to do what I have to do to get out of this uncomfortable period.

I know that you cannot make God do anything.  He is not a magic formula - if I do X and Y, then He'll do Z.  That's not how He works!  If I'm just trying to elicit a response from God, then I'm definitely NOT growing in Christ.  But since I know that growing in Christ is necessary for my "next step," that's always in the back (and sometimes the front) of my mind when I'm praying, reading my Bible, meditating, etc.  So how do I engage in any spiritual growth activity w/out the companion thought that I'm trying to "get" something from God?  It's such a weird thought process for me to be caught in that loop, and as I struggle to make sense of it and find a solution the only thing I can relate it to is my wife.

Andrea LOVES massages.  Her feet and shoulders are continually sore and achy, and she absolutely loves to have the stress, tension, and pain rubbed out of them.  Personally, I don't amazingly enjoy giving the massages because I have to press and rub so hard that my fingers and hands hurt when I'm done.  But, Andrea being happy, content, and feeling loved is important to me so I try to do it for her whenever I think about it.  Through 15 years of conversation and experience, though, I have also learned that shoulder and foot massages are also a good way to get her "in the mood."  In and of itself, that's a good thing; except that she knows that I know massages are a good way to start the path toward a romantic encounter.  So, whenever I begin a massage, she often comments, "Well I know what you want!"  And I get booted off the road to romance because the "feeling loved" part goes away and the perception of an ulterior motive.  And it's true that I always am wanting to walk that road, I at the same time want to make her feel loved, happy, and not achy too.  And therein lies my boggle.

• As a Christian, I must exercise Spiritual Disciplines to grow in Christ.
• In order to move from my current situation, I must grow in Christ.
• In order to grow in Christ, though, I must want more of Him because of Who He is, not what He can do.
• My desire for both is strong; yet they are in opposition 

What about you?  Do you feel that way with God?  Like you know that He wants something out of you; but in doing that very thing, it's also like you're also trying to get something from Him?  It is a struggle to ensure that your motive to grow in Christ is dominant when your desire for the outcome is so strong?  What do you think?

Last weekend I tried Mountain Biking for the very first time.  My brother-in-law is training for the Tour Divide Race (a month long biking journey from Canada to Mexico), and I thought it would be awesome to go single track riding through the woods w/ him.  And I was right!  It was fun!  And I learned a little about me, about God, and about life in the process.  What you're about to read is not a definitive work of the experience, but rather the "edited to run in the time allotted" TV version.  Hang on!  :)

We're going through the book of Ecclesiastes at our church right now, and we're in Chapter 2. With Labor Day approaching this weekend, we were discussing the merits of labor and jobs and such at worship planning the other day and this topic came up. Even in "church world," there are more "spiritual" positions than others (i.e., Senior Pastor vs. Children's Pastor). Why? Solomon would tell you that he's had it all, and it's all meaningless. Paul would tell you that he's "been there, done that," and he counts it all "rubbish compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ." He would also say that the hand, eye, nose, foot, etc. are all equally important in the body of Christ. And there's nothing superspiritual about being a pastor either; we're just doing what God has called us to do, just like everyone else. God has created each of us uniquely, with our own gifts, talents, interests, etc., and He has placed each of us where we are for a reason.