Living a Lifestyle of Worship

I'm gonna go out on a HUGE limb right now and share something that is deeply personal, yet I believe needs to have broad exposure.  In all honesty, I'm still processing it myself and I hope that through writing this blog post I can come to understand it better...and in doing so, hopefully you will benefit from reading it as well.

For the last several weeks I have been having a recurring nightmare.  It doesn't come every night, but it is getting more and more frequent, and stronger and more vivid each time.  Last night the dream woke me up at 3:48 AM, in literal tears from the experience of my dream.  (I didn't know you could cry in your sleep, but my face was definitely wet with tears.)  In that "half-awake, half-asleep"state when you wake from an emotional dream, it is difficult to separate reality from the dream and the feelings you're feeling are real.  I remember one time I dreamed that my brother and his wife had gotten a divorce, and I was sad the entire morning - it wasn't until after lunch that I realized I'd dreamed it all and they were, in fact, still happily married.   (Is this just me, or do any of you know what I mean?)

Last night's dream not only made me cry, but caused me physical pain...literally, my heart hurt with the burden of the sadness and it was well into the morning (and a conversation with a good friend) before I was able to really start functioning well and get the sadness off of my mind.

*BEAR IN MIND THAT THIS WAS JUST A DREAM*
In this dream, there is a man who has moved into our house.  Andrea treats him like someone she really cares about.  She laughs at his jokes, is considerate of him, buys clothes for him, etc. and really treats him like one of the family...more specifically, she treats him like a husband.  (...I'm starting to feel that intense sadness again as I relive the dream to describe it to you...).  Now, she doesn't act with animosity toward me.  She still smiles at me and treats me kindly (because that's the type of person she is), but as the dream progresses, I start to see from the outside more and more that she's treating him like a husband, and more and more treating me like a casual friend.  I desperately try to garner her attention and her affection, but as the dream progresses I get more desperate as I feel her slipping away from me.  Again, she still treats me kindly, but not affectionately.  As the pain and desperation culminate, I usually wake up in sadness.

Last night, however, was different; last night the dream kept going...
It was night time, and I noticed in my bed that she was not there with me...I looked to the left and instead saw her snuggled up to this man.  There is a distinct way that Andrea snuggles with me - a certain spot that her head rests in my arms and a certain spot on my chest that her hand lays.  I DEARLY love our snuggle time - it is very special to me; and as I looked and saw her snuggled with him in the manner that she should be snuggling with me, I knew she wasn't mine anymore...and I was so taken with grief that it literally felt like my heart exploded in my chest.  That's the point where I woke up hurting, crying, and feeling like my bride no longer put me in first place.
*END DREAM*

Like I said, this same dream (with the exception of the last little part) has been haunting me for weeks now.  Up until today, I have attributed it to the fact that I'm currently living and working in a separate city from Andrea and I desperately miss her.  I've prayed several times that God would take that dream away, but today as I processed it and worked through the emotional hurt I felt I came to a staggering realization:  I think that dream may be somewhat of an allegory.

When we put other things ahead of Jesus in our lives, I wonder if He feels the pain like I felt as I dreamed about Andrea giving her affection to another man?  The love, consideration, snuggling, etc. that belonged to me, her husband, were instead given to another man and it hurt me.  Are we not the bride of Christ?  Jesus alone deserves our affection, our time, our priority, our consideration, and yes, the intimacy of our snuggles.  But when we place something else as a priority over Him, aren't we doing exactly what Andrea was doing to me in the dream?  Remember, she still treated me kindly in the dream...there was no animosity or bad feelings from her toward me...she just didn't treat me like I was her husband, and instead gave that affection to someone else.  And even the "dream" of that happening caused me physical and emotional pain.  How must it make Jesus feel when we do it to Him for real?

Again, I'll admit that I'm still processing this, but even so, I have to say that it is a valid question to ask.  How does Jesus feel when I prioritize anything over Him?  How does He feel when he sees me giving my affection to something else, instead of to Him?  Does He feel like I felt when Andrea was kind to me and talked to me, but kept her intimate moments for someone else?

I encourage you to take some time today and pray through this idea of affection.  As the Bride of Christ, where are you giving your affection?  Where do you spend most of your time?  How much do you talk with Him?  What role does He play in your life?  Do your actions tell Him that He is your "casual" friend instead of the one to whom you have pledged your life?  What can you do to remedy that?  How can you regain your daily relationship Jesus as a priority in your life?

In preparation for our TV appearances in Atlanta tomorrow & Thursday, I spent the morning reviewing marriage data.  (Sifting through endless verbiage, charts, graphs, and tables isn't always a fun thing to do, but the information gleaned always makes it worth your while!)  As I looked at what is going on in our world (statistically speaking), I became more and more grateful for my wife and our experiences together.

The short story on the stats I read is this:

• Fewer people are choosing to get married than years past; cohabitation, however, is on the rise.
• With the exception of a slight fall in the divorce rate this past year (which the researchers attributed to the economic downfall), the divorce rate has been rising steadily to 40-50% since the mid-90's.
• The number of women between the ages of 20 and 34 who are having babies out of wedlock has drastically increased since 2002 (presumably due to the higher cohabitation and divorce rates).

While sad to me, these stats are pretty much what I expected to find.  What I like to call the, Cancer of "Self Above Else" has been slowly infiltrating our society and has reached a saturation point.  In my opinion, the rise in cohabitation is a result of that trend.  There hasn't been enough research on the cohabitation trend to make very many valid scientific assertions, but I believe that some "Common Sense Research" can fairly accurately describe this trend.  Whether it is societal or parental (or both), many young adults are feeling encouraged to "try it out" by living with someone before getting married.  This living arrangement, with the exception of conceiving a child, frees you of legal obligations should you decide that it's not going to work for you.  It's an easy "out" for when the going gets tough...and it will get tough.

In an interesting turn of events, I found myself in a store later today (attempting to buy a shirt for said TV appearances).  Since I'm fashion illiterate, I was asking the sales guy and girl (yes, it required TWO of them to help me!) about the protocol for rolling sleeves.  For instance, you can flip the cuffs on a long sleeve shirt once and still keep some degree of "formal," but how far up the arm can you roll the sleeves before it loses the "nice" and becomes "casual?"  (I know, I know...the deepness of my thought process is staggering!)  ANYWAY, he asked me what I needed the shirt for, so I told him that we were going to be on a TV show to talk about marriage and relationships.  His young, twentyish face brightened up and said, "I want to get married someday...what advice do you have for me?"

Now, I have the propensity to be verbose and overcomplex.  (See!  I just did it!  Dang!  I just used "propensity" and "verbose" in the same sentence...I'm my own illustration!)  I knew that I would only have his attention for a short time, so I quickly asked God to deliver wisdom!  As best as I can remember, this is basically what I told him...

The best advice I can give you is this:  Don't get married for you, get married for her.  We date because we think they're cute and we like it; or we think that they have money, or because they make us feel good about ourselves, right?  When you get married (or are considering getting married), all of that must change.  The relationship ceases to be about meeting your needs - it's now about meeting hers.  Now, that doesn't mean that you disappear in the relationship.  In fact, she should now be about meeting your needs, not her own...so together, you get your needs met while you are meeting hers!  Unfortunately, most people don't treat it that way.  They are about all about getting their needs met; and the other person's needs are secondary.  That's where most relationships break down.  You get married to give yourself to that other person - whatever the cost.  If that's not your attitude, then don't do it!  Don't get married for you...get married for her."

Lord, may we all approach our spouse with Your attitude..."to serve, and not to be served."

On Saturday I took my children to a "Miniature Horse Farm" (which happened to be located at a Monastery).  It was fun to walk around and see full grown horses that were about the same size as a great dane.  In more than one pasture, we witnessed the horses shoving their heads through (and under) the fences to try to reach the grass and weeds that were on the other side.  It was interesting, and at times somewhat comical, to watch their heads and necks contort, their snouts shove through and under wires and boards, and their lips and teeth stretch and grasp to get just a smidgeon of the blades of grass that were barely out of their reach.  My daughters could see that there was plenty of grass for them to eat on the horses' side of the fence, as well as a bunch of hay lying around as well.  "Why are they doing that Daddy?" they asked.  "Because," I said with a smirk, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!"